Silence

The past few days I’ve been practically nonexistent in the blogosphere and even in general life, I’ve done nothing but be with myself and my mum. It’s made me reflect on my life, over the past 4 months especially.

I have never known hell like the last 4 months. My fiancé ended our engagement, my Granddad died, my mum suffered a nervous break down and attempted to take her own life and now my Nan has died. In light of all those things my anxiety has been at an all time high and I’ve been really struggling. However, I have survived. 

These past few months have taught me just how strong I am. I’ve handled my own problems, kept my mum strong, paid the rent and bills when she couldn’t and most importantly I’ve kept going. I did it all by myself, I didn’t lean on anyone else and count on them to get me through the challenges. I am so proud of myself. 

It’s so important to take some time to yourself and realise what is happening around you and address what you’re feeling. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for taking time for you and for making yourself feel good. You are what’s important. 

I’m trying to get back into everything and bring myself back out of hiding but I can’t make any promises as to how long that will take. However, I’m still here, still fighting, still carrying on. That is what matters.

Until next time I’m back off down the rabbit hole.

Nanny June

I had a post written to go up reviewing a new moisturiser but in light of what’s happened over the past 24 hours I didn’t feel it was something I wanted to post.

Instead I’d like to honour my Nan, Rosemary June Smith who died peacefully on the 19/03/2016 at 9.15pm. She had been ill for a long time and is now at peace, she died surrounded by love as it should be.   She was a woman I wouldn’t be able to describe but I’ll give it a go. She was an absolute star. She has done so much for my family and for my mum, she has literally saved my mother’s life. She’s saved my brother from debt, she’s made Christmases happen for us, helped my mum survive as a single mother.

She was a generous, selfless woman. She was the kind of old lady that never let herself be old, she was always the epitome of class. She was a fighter, one of the strongest women I know, the sort of woman you could never cast aside or put down. She knew who she was and she would never apologise for it. Her courage and determination was incredible.

I was never the closest to her as up until I was 18 years old she lived in Scotland but I do have some deeply cherished memories with her that will stay with me always. We used to go to a beach called St Cyrus, get fish and chips from the most amazing shop, eat at Reuslepe every trip without fail, do puzzles together at her kitchen table. One thing I will never forget about her is the way she does breakfast, it sounds silly I know. Every night before she went to bed she would lay the table for breakfast, she’d have all the options available and it would always feel really special as if it was a hotel.

I’d just like to say thank you to my Nanny for making it possible for me to be here today, for saving my mum, for helping us all whenever we needed you. Thank you for being an incredible, strong woman.

Loving you always Nanny June x

Being a sibling

If you’ve got siblings then you’ll know that it’s one of the strangest relationships to have and it changes so much over the years. Siblings are the true ride or die. I’m sure there isn’t a single person that has a sibling that’s never wanted to stab them with a fork at the dinner table, unless your siblings are a lot younger than you and adorable as hell – then you’re just lucky.

bruv

I grew up with two big brothers who were a year apart and I was the annoying little sister trailing behind who they always made play in goal. I’m Libby Lampard nice to meet ya. How I would sum up my version of sibling love is ever since I was four my oldest brother has called me ‘Scroat’ and it’s actually a term of endearment, last year he wrote ‘To Alice’ in my birthday card and I asked him why he no longer loved me. Being a sibling is all about being a loving asshole.

Here’s 10 things having a sibling is all about:

1. No one will annoy you more than your sibling. Whether it’s them borrowing an item or clothing of yours without asking or eating something that you had dibs on. They’re infuriating but you’ll love them anyway.

2. No one will have your back like a sibling. Someone’s annoyed/hurt you? No one will be more ready to hate and bitch about that person like your brother/sister.

3. At least once a month your sibling will ask for a favour and you can’t deny it because they might get pissy to your parents.

4. It will always be your turn to do the mundane task if you’re the youngest. It will magically be your turn to do the wiping up even though it’s been your turn for the last 364 days.

5. Older siblings will always retaliate to the argument ‘I was here first’ with ‘no you weren’t I was born first so I was’. Every single time.

6. Meeting new people and introducing yourself just for them to say ‘Oh you’re ____’s sister/brother aren’t you?’. Yes, yes I am but I’m much better so shh now.

7. You will constantly be in competition with each other, especially when you’re young. Who can finish their dinner first? ‘The last one to the fence is a loser’, ‘I’m Mum’s favourite’ etc etc. Me and my brothers still like to compete on Mother’s Day/Christmas/My Mum’s birthday to see who can make her cry the most at their card. We’re a saddistic bunch.

8.Nothing is more creepy than your friends fancying your sibling, or your sibling fancying your friend. It’s the stuff nightmares are made of, constantly living in fear that you’ll come home one day and your friend will be sat on the sofa with your brother/sister being all affectionate and shit. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

9. Nine times out of ten they’ll have your back when it comes to your parents. I mean siblings are annoying but you know who’s more annoying? Adults trying to tell you not to do something. My brother once convinced my mum to let me stay off school because I was ‘obviously so unwell’ and I wasn’t, I was just really tired that day.

10. In all your life you will never have a friend quite like your sibling, they love you unconditionally and always have your back. One day they’ll be all you’ve got so you best watch out and not do too much nasty shit to them.

Do you have any brothers or sisters? Have you felt the struggles mentioned above? Let me know!

Until next time, I’m back off down the rabbit hole.

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